Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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