Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
