I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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