I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
