Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
