"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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