Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize