i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
