Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we're making bets on your personal life
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
