I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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