You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
