I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my poor anus
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
