At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
