my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
