Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
