She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
