I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
