Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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