Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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