"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
