i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
