just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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