I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
