The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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