I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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