Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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