Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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