Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
