whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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