Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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