Cold hands, warm shart.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
