im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
