I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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