If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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