I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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