ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
