Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
