did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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