we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
