I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
