My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
