Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
