please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
