Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
