We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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