Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
