lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
