i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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