Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
