she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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