We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
