What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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