last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
