Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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