JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
