Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
