if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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