I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
