i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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