He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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