Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
