god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
