yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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