We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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