Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
