U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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