i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
