I accidentally had phone sex last night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
