She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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