Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
