I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
