Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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