On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
And then he peed in my hair
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
